Birth

I went on a binge of watching More Business of Being Born today. It amazes me, the state of maternal care today. I don't get how women can go through the 40 weeks of pregnancy and not be informed. Giving birth is one of the most amazing things that a woman will ever do, so not knowing everything that you possibly can about that process is an absolute shame.

There are so many different options out there, from the standard hospital birth, to birth centers, to home birth, to elective c-sections. They all have their pros and cons, although electing to have a c-section is crazy to me. I mean, that is major abdominal surgery, so why do it unless you absolutely have to? I'm also appalled by the rates of induction, which it seems the majority of the time is done simply for convenience or because it is routine.

It's like, mom is tired of being pregnant, doc has a tee time to meet, so let's pump mom and baby full of drugs, because that's okay now when the entire pregnancy you're not even allowed to have cold medicine, and try to force that baby out. When in reality inducing doubles the risk of c-section, and can make labor take longer when done too soon. No one seems to be telling the moms this though, so we need to be informed before it happens, instead of learning these things after the fact. It's not that hard to research. The information is readily available, all you have to do is look. Do your research!

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Bitterness

It is very easy to let the things in life get to us. To make us bitter and forget everything that we once believed in. To let ourselves become jaded. It is easy to let ourselves just say 'what's the point?'. It is a far far greater feat to maintain our beliefs through the hardships in life.

What defines us, if not our beliefs and what we stand for? I feel like allowing oneself to become bitter or jaded is cheating oneself. It makes you less than who you could and should be. I believe that we should take the hardships and things that life throws at us and apply them to ourselves in a manner that is positive. We should take what we believe in and apply it to life, rather than letting life define our beliefs and values.

When we allow ourselves to become bitter, we limit ourselves. We cease to try. We go through life just existing and getting by rather than trying to better ourselves or go after our dreams. We begin to believe that we aren't capable of doing anything other than exist. We become sheep. Don't be a sheep.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Kids Shows

I am absolutely convinced that preschool kids shows are making our kids oblivious. How many times has Dora stood next to a giant red apple and asked 'Do you see the giant red apple?'. I've watched several children, and when asked to find something, even when it's right in front of them, they can't seem to manage it until it is blatantly pointed out to them, and even then they seem to have trouble sometimes.

On the subject of Dora, what is the deal with 'Swiper no swiping'? Because, you know, when someone is trying to mug you if you tell them no three times they'll stop. That is SO how life works. It's seriously one of the most perplexing things I have ever pondered. I mean, who even thought that up? They should be slapped.

Then you have shows like the Wonder Pets. Ling Ling speaks with a strong lisp and it's made out to be all cute. To me, it's saying that it's okay to speak improperly in order to be cute. I don't think so. I don't even approve of baby talk. Speak properly to children and they will in turn learn to speak properly. It's that simple.

In closing, pay attention to what your kids are being taught by the stuff that they watch. You may be surprised when you sit and think about it rationally instead of just assuming that since it's supposed to be educational it should be good.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Intracranial Hypertension

I have idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension. A lot of people have no idea what that is. 

According to wikipedia: Idiopathic intracranial hypertension (IIH), sometimes called by the older names benign intracranial hypertension (BIH) or pseudotumor cerebri (PTC), is a neurological disorder that is characterized by increased intracranial pressure (pressure around the brain) in the absence of a tumor or other diseases.

What does that mean for me? It means frequent headaches and regular migraines. It means episodically blurred or distorted vision. It means random dizzy spells. It means a pretty much constant ringing in my ears. There is no cure. 

There are a few avenues of treatment, though. The first being a drug called acetazolamide. This is typically used for glaucoma. It's very expensive, being $500+ if you don't have insurance. It has it's own fun side effects, as well. The fingers and toes get tingly, like they're falling asleep only worse and it alters your sense of taste. Some people opt to have regular spinal taps to drain off the extra fluid which in turn reduces the pressure. One spinal tap was enough for me, thank you. A last there is surgery to put a stint inside of your head in order to drain the fluid constantly. I'm personally headed towards the surgery eventually, I believe.

I just thought I'd throw this out there, because people ask me frequently. This is one of those illnesses that you look fine on the outside, so when you tell people you are sick, they don't always believe it. But there it is.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Tattoos

I have tattoos. Six, currently. They all mean something to me, and I find them all to be attractive. Not everyone agrees. In fact, what is probably my favorite tattoo I am constantly told by others that it is 'ugly'. Which I find rather insulting. I mean, who are they to judge? The majority of the time, the opinion of said people was not solicited.

My tattoos are a part of who I am. Once they were inked onto my body, they became a part of my body. Telling me that they are ugly is just the same as telling me that I have an ugly nose or weird looking ears. Only worse, because they are something I consciously chose to put on my body and put thought into what they are and where they are placed. Not to mention the meaning behind them.

Furthermore, I really am perplexed by the question 'what do you think those are going to look like when you're older'. The answer is obvious. Awesome. Wrinkled, but awesome. What really, really, REALLY gets me though, is when people tell me that I have ruined myself. My tattoos are GORGEOUS. They are works of art, and my skin is the canvas. These people need to just stuff it. I mean, I actually had one person in the same breath tell me that I ruined myself and that she thought the tattoo was really pretty. Seriously?

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Appreciation

The magic words. Please and thank you. Something we've all been told from the time we are little. So why is that so many people seem to have missed the lesson of appreciation? Is it really that hard? Someone does something for you, at the very least say thank you. Hopefully you can do something to pay it back or pay it forward.

I am frankly astounded by how selfish and entitled people tend to be. I honestly don't understand it. It bothers me deeply when I have to depend on others for things, not out of a sense of self-sufficiency, but because I feel like they shouldn't have to be put out for my sake. It would be incredibly self-centered and egotistical of me to think that they should.

Having people that you can depend on is wonderful. However, when you start to expect it, that's when things get murky. People start to resent things. They start to resent YOU. It breeds discontent. It drives wedges between previously close relationships and sometimes breaks them completely and irrevocably.

All of that can be avoided just by being appreciative and showing the people that you depend on that you are thankful that you can depend on them and try to help them in whatever way you can, allowing them to depend on you in return.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Amusement

I'm in a goofy mood tonight, and everything is amusing me, so I don't think we're going to get my usual 'don't be an asshole/idiot' blog. I'm having very fun mental images. Take a moment, and think about random sayings, and then imagine them in a literal sense. It's rather entertaining.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Butter someone up.

Cat got your tongue?

Kick the bucket.

More than you can shake a stick at.

Pleased as punch.

Sleep tight.

Colder than a witches tit.

Seriously. Imagine these things in the literal sense. Incredibly amusing! Have fun!

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Maturity

Maturity is an odd concept. Everyone seems to define it a bit differently. There are people that would say that I am incredibly immature, and there are people who would say I am one of the maturest people they know, but really, what is maturity?

Is it doing what you're 'supposed' to do? What society expects? Grow up, have a job, get married, have a house, etc. I don't think any one of these things or any combination of these things makes a person mature. I think that maturity is knowing how to handle yourself and knowing how to make decisions, even when none of your options are good. Maturity is choosing the option that is best for you and not necessarily the one that you want at the moment. By that definition, some people NEVER mature.

That's okay, though. Being immature doesn't mean that you can't make it through life. In fact, sometimes I wish I didn't have the knowledge of maturity as I do. I wouldn't be where I'm at right now if I didn't. Not that I'm not happy with where I'm at, I am, somewhat. I'm not unhappy, anyway. I think that it's a bit of a misconception that if you don't mature then you have failed at life, I don't think maturity really has anything to do with that. It really only has to do with your interactions with others and your reasons for making certain choices. Choices that are yours to make as you wish.

I think that maturity has come to be confused with responsibility. An easy thing to do, but they really aren't the same. Responsibility is doing what you think is the right thing to do, maturity is knowing which is which.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Marriage

Marriage today is, in a word, ridiculous. It has been reduced to a government contract, and that is all it really is anymore. It's been made incredibly easy to get married. Some simple paperwork, prove your identity, go in front of an official and bang your done. You want get divorced? Good luck! It took me 3 days and around 60 dollars to get married. It took 14 months to get divorced, and I think the cost was a few hundred dollars that he paid, I didn't. 

Don't get me wrong here, I am all for committed, lasting relationships. Have the ceremony. Live together. have kids. I just don't see the point in actually getting legally married unless you need to get on your SO's insurance or something. Which is even sillier to me that you'd have to be married to do so. I think you should just have to qualify as a 'dependent' or have lived together for a certain amount of time or something. That would make way more sense. 

I think that when people get married, a lot of times they just quit trying in the relationship. It's much harder to leave a marriage if you are unhappy than it would be if you weren't married, even when the situation is exactly the same. You feel obligated because you made those arbitrary vows in front of some official. It really doesn't make sense. If the only reason you are staying with someone is because you happen to be married to them, you shouldn't be staying.

I think I'll stop here before I go too far into the negativity that I'm dealing with today.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Consideration

Consideration. I'm finding a severe lack of it in the general public. Just this week I've had two instances of friends having people park like jerks around them. One friend was completely blocked in, and she was trying to work. She was stuck there for like 30 minutes. What kind of person does that? My other friend had to climb, 9 months pregnant, in the passengers side because the car next her parked too close and she couldn't even get between the cars on the drivers side. She was at the Women's Center.

I honestly don't understand why people can't look around and see how they are affecting others. If I was the owner of one of the jerk cars and saw either of my friends in their situations, I would have been mortified that I had caused someone trouble like that! Not that I would ever blatantly block someone in to begin with!

This carry's over into the social media world, as well. I find it rather appalling how many people I see make Facebook status's or Tweets that are personal and involve other people. It's down right rude! I look at it like this: If I were in a room with everyone that I'm friends with on Facebook or follows me on Twitter, would I say whatever the status/tweet is out loud? If there is hesitation or the answer is no, then it shouldn't be posted because that is essentially what you are doing. Only worse, because it's difficult to convey tone so you have no idea how people are going to take things.

All I'm saying is, take a moment and think about others and how your actions affect them, it's not difficult to do, and will bring you good karma!

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Job Search

I've been job hunting. This process has been made incredibly complicated, and unnecessarily so. Why do I have to fill out an hour long assessment to work at a convenience store? I have somehow failed that particular assessment three times, and still don't know how. It makes no sense.

Even finding the actual opportunities isn't like it used to be. When I was first looking for a job 10 years ago as a teenager, you went from place to place asking for applications. You sat down, filled it out, smiled pretty as you handed it back and hoped they liked you. You called them every couple of days asking for the hiring manager until you got an interview.

Now you have to search online. Guess at what will be a fit for you, because you aren't actually seeing the business, and you have to hope that it's a legitimate posting to begin with. It's a real chore to sort through all the postings to find the ones that might possibly maybe work for you. Then you have to jump through the application hoops. Take their assessments, and hope that you pass them. Sometimes they'll tell you at the end if you passed, sometimes they won't. It's incredibly frustrating.

That's it for now. Rant over.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Fictional Expectations

Books. Movies. Games. Television. We as a culture have immersed ourselves in entertainment. We cannot stand to not be entertained somehow for any length of time. We are so seeped in fiction, that we are beginning to expect real life to follow the patterns of the fictions that we love so much. We've gotten an unrealistically high expectation of life.

Fiction is for entertainment, and while it may be modeled after life, it isn't true to life. If it was true to life, then we would just sit around watching each other instead of delving into fiction. The guy doesn't always get the girl. Good doesn't always win. People get sick and die. It's disappointing, but it's real.

We as a society need to learn to accept disappointment. I'm not saying that we should expect everything and everyone to disappoint us or that everything will go wrong, I'm just saying that we need to accept the possibility that it will. We need to learn that no one is perfect, ourselves included. We need to learn how to forgive and move past these imperfections in ourselves and others rather than just giving up because things aren't how they should be.

I think that that is all for now.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Cut for Beiber!

Apparently there is a trend among Beliebers where girls are cutting themselves, taking pictures, then posting said pictures on Twitter and other social media because Justin Beiber smoked pot. They seem to believe that he will refrain from doing so to keep them from cutting themselves. Newsflash: It won't!

The most that is going to happen is that the fans who are doing this will find themselves in the mental hospital for a mandatory 72 hour stay. Although, I think they should probably be kept longer when they confess their reasons for cutting themselves. I find this trend to be incredibly disturbing. There is NO reason to encourage other people to cut themselves in any way, and it is an incredibly disturbed individual who would do so.

A little personal history here: I myself am a cutter. I have been since I was teenager. It is not something that I am proud of, and it is not something which I advertise. I don't try to really hide it anymore, but then, I don't really do it anymore. Not that I haven't had an episode here and there, I have, but that is beside the point. I have NEVER said to anyone in any way shape or form Do X or I will cut myself. Never. I find the notion itself to be repugnant. It really bothers me that cutting seems to have become cool or trendy somehow in general. It really, really isn't and I wish every day of my life that I never got the urge to do it. I don't even really want to do it when I am in the process of doing it.

Cutting is not cool. It is not a tool to use against others. It is a sign of a mental/emotional instability and people who do it need professional help. The people who are making it cool or trendy are lessening the perceived seriousness of the act making it more difficult for people who really need it to get the help that they need, and that, my dear readers, is an absolute tragedy.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Music

I love music. Most people enjoy it, at least to a point. In today's world, it is an universal unifier. People bond over music faster than nearly anything else. It seems to be one of the lowest common denominators.

What I find interesting is how wildly opinions range on the topic. Everything from what is better than what all the way to what even qualifies as music is wildly debated and there is never a winner. It all comes down to taste, in the end.

So when we find someone who has similar musical taste as ourselves, we tend to latch on to that person as a kindred spirit. I know I do. Of course, I have very odd musical taste when it comes to the stuff closest to my heart. (If you even know who Die Antewoord and Skindred are, you get like +100 points with me.)

I think what bothers me the most about this isn't the instant bonding. I actually think that that is pretty awesome. What bothers me are the people who disparage anyone who likes stuff they don't, or doesn't like stuff they do. It is ridiculous to expect everyone to have the same taste as ourselves. If they did, then the bonding with people that actually do would cease to be special anymore. So stop giving others a hard time about their musical taste. It's not nice. Even Beliebers.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Letting Go

There comes a time in our lives when we must learn to let go of things, people, relationships, etc. It's a very difficult thing to do, something that I am struggling with at the moment. As much as something is liked, loved, or desired, when it no longer benefits ourselves or even harms ourselves, it must be let go. We must have more respect for ourselves.

It is a scary prospect, sometimes. How do you let go of something or someone that has become an integral part of your life? This fears tends to keep us holding on for much longer than we should. It can hurt, too. Excruciatingly so, but remembering that we are doing this for our personal betterment and health, it eases the pain. Some. This pain will go away with time, and we can look back and wonder why we kept the thing or person around as long as we did.

It can be done. It may require assistance, seek it out. It may require removing ourselves from an area completely, do it. You may relapse, that's okay, try again. We must remember to make ourselves a priority. When we put others ahead of ourselves, eventually those others can become toxic to us and must be let go, then what are we left with? A shell of ourselves that we must refill.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Getting Along

Having lived with many different combinations of people throughout my life, I have observed how a variety of people get along with each other. I've found that it's not all that well a good bit of the time.

I don't understand it, really. I've noticed that the things that cause the most strife are more often than not simple things that can easily be fixed by either party, but everyone is so obsessed with not 'stepping on each other's toes' or are wrapped up in their annoyance that they blow things out of proportion. Sometimes, you just have to accept a person's flaws, other times, you have to make an effort to work on a perceived flaw of your own. These things are so simple, most of the time. Rinse off your dish. Lock the door behind you. Change the empty TP roll. Simple, but I've seen these things cause huge fights. It's ridiculous.

Just. . . get along. Do what you can to not get on each others nerves. It's not nearly as difficult as it can be made out to be. I think in our society of self-confidence and self=esteem building we have come to believe that we are so very fabulous ourselves that there can't POSSIBLY be anything about ourselves that might annoy someone. This is obviously a false assumption, but seems to be pretty prevalent.

All I'm really saying is to look at yourself and see if it really is THAT big of a deal to change something simple in order to maintain the peace. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see how your behavior is seen from their point of view. You might be surprised.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Sex

Sex is perhaps one of the most debated and controversial topics out there. It is something that the majority of us engage in at some point in our lives, and everyone seems to feel differently about it. There is debate about what counts as sex. When it is appropriate to have sex. Who it is appropriate to have sex with. How often one should have sex.

What I find most interesting is that not only do opinions vary wildly on all of these variables, but people seem to be incredibly outspoken about them. We are so quick to judge other people, and to what end? To make everyone the same as ourselves? Ridiculous. What I do behind closed doors is my business and the business of with whom I am doing it.

In future blogs I will be addressing each of these questions one by one. I welcome any and all opinions and thoughts on the subject. Personally, I find sex fun, enjoyable, and I like to do it often.

Until tomorrow!

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Strength

Strength. I find it to be a confusing concept. Not physical strength, but emotional strength. I'm always hearing how strong someone must be to have gone through this or that. How we should be strong in the face of adversity and hardship. As if we are strong then it won't be so bad, or will end sooner or something. I call bull.

Simply being strong isn't going to make things better or easier. In fact, in a lot of cases I think it makes things worse because in the name of 'being strong' we force feelings down and don't allow ourselves to feel things that are a normal human process to do. I think it's necessary to allow ourselves to feel. Even the negative feelings, for if we don't know what the negative feels like, how are we supposed to appreciate the positive?

That being said, I'm am certainly not saying that we should allow ourselves to wallow. Spending a night allowing yourself to indulge in self pity and get out a good cry is one thing, letting it go on for days is another, (and cause for medical treatment, really). I think that people have come to mistake being 'strong' for supporting yourself emotionally. Learning to do so is one of the greatest challenges in life.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Failure

So I didn't blog yesterday. I've decided to amend my original objective instead of throwing in the towel and marking Project 365 as a failure. Since I am looking at this as a job in a way, even though I don't actually get paid for doing it, I am going to allow myself a day off a week. I think that that is fair.

I think that there is an epidemic of not knowing when to declare failure. It seems like people tend to either do it prematurely, or are completely blind to the point where they should move on. It's a though thing to recognize, for sure.

If I had chosen to just scrap the project because I missed one day, then I feel like I would have been doing so incredibly prematurely and doing a severe injustice to myself. Now, If I had missed several days and felt like doing this was a chore, then it would probably have been time to throw in the towel.

In closure, when you feel like declaring failure, think about it first. Are you just taking the easy way out? Are you letting one setback discourage you? Will you be better off doing so, or continuing on? On the flip side, if you are continuing on with something after difficulties, is it the best thing to do? Are you doing so just because you are stubborn? Do just not want to admit failure? Would it be better to move on to something else? Just think about it!

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Presentation

I'm going to risk sounding like a snob, here. It droves me absolutely insane when people don't even attempt to use proper English. Saying to me 'i hope u get 2 filling batter' brings to mind images of baking rather than the sentiment that you hope I feel better. It's admittedly a bit hysterical, but I just can't stand the blatant abuse of language. 

I'm not saying that people should use perfect grammar all the time. I understand that that is a ridiculous expectation and a standard to which I don't expect myself or anyone else to meet. I'm just asking for some effort. Capitalize I, spell out to, you, and are, know the difference between your and you're, know the difference between they're, their, and there, and make use of your spell check. Nearly every browser and phone has it, it's not that hard to use. When you don't make use of these things, it makes you look careless, like you don't care, and like you have no respect for yourself or the people that you are talking to. 

Then there are the people that think typing in an 'alternate' manner is cute. It's NOT. It's annoying and obnoxious. ThIs DoEs NoT mAkE yOu CoOl, Nor Does Capitalizing Every Word, and neither does typing in ALL CAPITALS. Please, just stop. Have some class and self respect. Present yourself to the world as an intelligent human being with respect for others. Make an effort, it can make all the difference.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

The Seams of Love

Love. It's something that we as a whole have idealized and have a bloated expectation of its scope. Don't get me wrong, love can be a wonderful thing. It can also crush your soul into tiny pieces. Sometimes, it does both, and that's kinda the point, I think.

Sometimes, we love so very hard and when it's not received then returned, we can literally burst at the seams with the power of it. It's very painful, but when you come out the other end of it, slowly stitching the pieces back together, you are much stronger and wiser for it. Those stitched seams are stitched with some of the strongest thread. The threads of experience spun from love and hurt, so that when you love again, (and you WILL love again, it is human nature), you will be able to contain it within yourself and give it out in a more mature way.

People talk about falling in love and falling out of love. I think that to say we fall is incorrect. We grow to love people, sometimes very quickly. In the beginning, these feelings are incredibly intense and euphoric. When that euphoria fades, we think we have fallen out of love, when in reality we are just growing into it and losing the blindness to the other persons faults, seeing each other for who you really are and not just the love that you have for each other.

The point being that you can love someone with all your heart, it doesn't mean that you should be together, or that the love that you have is really romantic love, a mistake that I've made and almost lost my best friend over, but that is a completely different blog. You see, loving someone isn't enough. You have to do the work. Relationships are hard. People like to think that if you're 'in love', then everything is sunshine and roses and if something goes wrong, then the other person doesn't love you anymore, which is simply not the case. I find that more often things 'go wrong' because you love each other, because if you didn't love each other, you wouldn't care and would just move on rather than be hurt by it.

I'd also like to address the notion that you can only love one person at a time. I sincerely think that this is false and rather immature, really. I'm not saying that I am an advocate of infidelity, not at all. You can love people without being with them romantically. Love is something that doesn't just go away, and when you truly feel it for someone, you can go months or years without even speaking to them and the feeling will still be there, it doesn't mean that you are meant to be together, or that you are really MEANT to be with anyone particular.

I'll end with this for now: the person that you end up with isn't who you are meant to be with, your one true love, or anything like that. It simply boils down to loving someone truly, being loved by them in return, and respecting each other enough to know that passion does not equal love and that staying together is about way more than the love you feel for each other.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

Confession

I have a confession. I have an obsession with Craigslist. Specifically the 'Free' section. Every couple of days I scroll through the free section from all nearby areas. I find it absolutely fascinating the things that people are giving away. Somethings are useful, other things, not so much.

For example, today, just in one area we have FCAT books and encyclopedia's, a queen size water bed mattress, someone looking for old windows or clear plastic to make a greenhouse, and lab mix puppies. Another area nearby boasts a fitness video, clothing, Sego Palms (dig them up, and they're yours!), a washer that doesn't spin, moving boxes (frequently seen), a player piano, and a DVD remote.

I reluctantly admit to finding myself spending hours clicking through the posts. It makes me both happy and sad that I don't own a pick up truck. The things that I would pick up. One of my favorites that pops up from time to time is above ground swimming pools. Disassemble it and it yours, they almost always say. Cheap entertainment, and sometimes, you actually find something useful! A word to the wise, though, if you are putting up a craigslist ad, pictures are pretty much a requirement, otherwise, it is assumed that your item is complete garbage and will be skipped over.

*~*Tabby Marie*~*

It Begins!

Today is January 1, 2013. It is my sincere intention to make an entry everyday this year. Some may be short and sweet, others may go on and on, such is the functionality of my mind. Topics will vary wildly. Right now I am starting the year sick with a cold/flu while visiting my mother. Such is life. Going back home is an oddity for me, as I'm not sure where that is going to be, exactly. We shall see what happens.

As for now, I leave you with this: Forgive yourself. It is the best thing that you can ever do, and if you do it genuinely, it is the first and most important step towards happiness and being able to love yourself. Loving yourself being the key to happiness, or so I'm told.

Until tomorrow!

*~*Tabby Marie*~*